So You Think You Can Dance — Top 16 Elimination

4 07 2011

Elimination day is always a mixture of angst for the dancers and the viewers who love then, but it also gives other dance troupes throughout the world a chance to shine. Tonight’s episode had a dance that touched me deeply. The top 16 came out to perform a spy-like routine to the song, “The Incredits” from The Incredibles (soundtrack). The dance was choreographed by Michael Rooney.

Kristen Chenoweth pushed her new CD, coming out September 13. A clip of her first music video was played. I remember Kristen when she was on Broadway in “Wicked” and sang these songs on Good Morning America.

The first bunch of contestants was brought up: Melanie & Marko, Ryan & Ricky, Ashley & Chris. Ashley and Chris were in the bottom and would need to perform solos. This was not surprising. There was something missing from either the choreography of the dance, or the dancers’ ability to pump more soul into the dance itself.

The second group is called up: Jordan & Tadd, Sasha & Alexander, Miranda & Robert. Cat announced that Miranda and Robert were in the bottom 3. After they had this group together, I knew Miranda and Robert would be in the ones whose names were called just because the others had some outstanding dances and once again, when going up against contemporary and hip-hop, ballroom or Broadway will lose every time.

Finally, the last group appeared on stage: Clarice & Jess, Caitlynn & Mitchell. I had worried about Caitlynn and Mitchell being in the bottom 3 just because of the foxtrot. The young people voting just do not understand ballroom dancing.

While the contestants prepared for their solos, we were treated to a remarkable dance routine from Axis Dance Company. The mission of Axis is 1) to create and perform contemporary dance that is developed through the collaboration of dancers with and without disabilities; 2) to teach dance and educate about collaboration and disability through community education and outreach programs; 3) to promote and support physically integrated dance locally, nationally and internationally. Dancers Sonsheree Giles and Rodney Bell moved me to tears with their compelling routine set to “Partita for Violin Solo No 2 in D minor, BWV 1004: V. Ciaccona” by Janine Jansen. Please click on the below link to visit their site and see their stunning choreography.

Axis Dance Company

Click here to visit Axis Dance Company

After the break, Ashley danced her contemporary solo to “For You” by David Ryan Harris. Performing to “You’re Going to Make It” by KJ-52 (featuring Blanca Reyes), Chris showed the judges why he deserved to stay with his hip-hop moves. Miranda reminded the judges of her beauty and grace while dancing to “Unthinkable” by Maria Zouroudis. Robert then took the stage to dance his hip-hop style to “I Don’t Need It” by Jamie Foxx. Returning from commercial, Caitlynn performed to “It Doesn’t Hurt” by Katie Thompson. Rounding out the solos was contemporary dancer, Mitchell, performing to “Rolling In The Deep” by Adele.

Judging strictly on the solos, I would have had to pick Caitlynn as the girl. Miranda and Ashley had better solos. For the guys, I would have picked Chris because Robert and Mitchell had more stand-out solos. However, we know that the judges take everything into consideration: Past performances, the group performance from Wednesday night, the popularity with the viewers, etc.

Cat dismisses the judges who have a tough decision to make. While they are contemplating that, the current United States and world theatrical ballroom dancers/choreographers, Eric Luna and Georgia Ambarian, performed to “Calypso” from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.” Judging from their dancing and the crowd’s appreciation of it, I may have to take back my earlier opinion on the young people not understanding ballroom dancing. If they were contestants performing like this, they would not be in the bottom 3.

LunaAmbarian

Click here to visit Eric & Georgia's website

The judges return with their decision and the girl’s choice was not unanimous. Miranda would be leaving the group this evening. For the guys, it would be Robert, but Chris was told that he must grow faster.

I tweet with many Miranda fans who were understandably upset. I told them to remember this competition is about America’s favorite dancer. Skill does play into the final decision, but so many other factors contribute: Luck of the draw of dances, the vision of the choreographer for that dance, partnering, personality, standing out in the crowd, etc. What is so wonderful about this show is that you do not have to win in order to have a long and wonderful career in dance. Look at Mark Kanemura. He finished 5th in season 4 and this past year I’ve seen him in Glee (in the Britney Spears episode) and was on tour with Lady Gaga. Kherington Payne was eliminated in week 6 of season 4 and went on to star in the remake of “Fame” and was also on a Glee episode. To all the fans of people being eliminated, please keep this in mind. Sadly someone has to leave each week. This truly is the most talented top 20 the show has ever had and the competition is fierce.


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Categories : So You Think You Can Dance

So You Think You Can Dance — Top 16 Performance Show

30 06 2011

Saying goodbye to the talents of Iveta, Missy, Nick and Wadi last week was difficult. There is a written guarantee it will not get any easier.

Our judges for this evening are permanent judges Nigel Lythgoe and Mary Murphy, rotating judge Lil’C, and guest judge Kristen Chenoweth of Broadway fame (and Glee!). Lil’C has been off maintaining his “buckness” and is producing some rap music. Tonight in addition to the couples’ performance, there will be two group numbers which will be taken into consideration on the night of elimination.

Tyce DiOrio choreographed the first group number for the evening with dancers Chris, Clarice, Marko, Miranda, Mitchell, Ryan, Sasha and Tadd. Using props brings the dance up a notch in the degree of difficulty. The song was “Hit the Road Jack” by Ray Charles. Tyce captures the strength of the girls without diminishing the talents of the guys. It was a fun routine.

The stories tonight are about the dancers’ first stage experience. Sasha was a tomboy always playing sports. Her first performance was as a frog in Thumbelina and her experience turned her off to frogs for the rest of her life. Alexander loved bow-ties. A tribute to the Lion King was his first dance at his performance at his birthday party. Caitlynn was also a tomboy who played in dirt. Her first performance was the “Duck Dance.” When Mitchell was a child, he was a ham for the camera. He began dancing at age 16. Miranda’s first dance was a tap dance and she was not camera shy. Robert enjoyed taking on the role of other characters growing up, especially Michael Jackson. Realizing her stage potential early in life, Melanie took up dancing after her sister did. Her first stage performance was that of Little Bo Peep. Marko was a self-described “brat” until he started dance class at which point he calmed down. His first dance contested started later in his childhood, at age 10. Ashley considers herself to be shy until you get to know her. Her first dance on stage was at the age of 3. Reciting poetry was Chris‘ first stage performance. Clarice grew up performing everywhere she could no matter where it was. Her first stage performance was at age 2-1/2. Jess thinks he was a crazy kid. During his first stage performance, instead of doing the steps, he would wave to his mother. Ricky had been dancing throughout his childhood, but has bad memories of his first time on stage, performing his friend’s choreography instead of his own. Ryan was put in dance classes to help her through her shyness. Her first stage performance was at age 4. Jordan also described herself as a “crazy kid.” Her first performance was in the 1st grade and it was then her parents realized they needed to take her to dance classes. Tadd considered himself to be a huge nerd growing up. His first dancing in public took place in cultural dances of Filipino culture.

Dancers: Sasha & Alexander
Song: “Belong” by Cary Brothers
Choreographer: Dee Caspary
Style: Contemporary
Dance Story: A love story. Sasha has been locked away for a long time and will remind Alexander how special their relationship was. The piano is the center and it represents the keys to his heart.

I am not sure why they are getting lucky enough to pick contemporary out of the hat each week. Granted, the performance was stellar. It was a great way to open the show. The lines of each dancer are beautiful. The height of Alexander’s jumps is wonderful. I saw Sasha dance during the Adam Lambert tour, and I can see how much she has already grown as a dancer. Both dancers throw their souls into the song. For a moment, at opposite ends of the piano, you can feel the moment that there is still some distance that needs to be bridged which gets back to the prop of the piano. Even when Sasha disappears into the piano, we can see her convey the emotional depth and connection to her partner Alexander. It was well received by all the judges as well as the audience. I do agree with Nigel’s comment that there is a disconnect between Alexander and the viewers. Perhaps it is the facial expressions. After that performance, they will be safe.

Dancers: Caitlynn & Mitchell
Song: “Put it In A Love Song” by Alicia Keys
Choreographer: Jean-Marc Genereaux
Style: Samba, hot and spicy and sexy.
Story: The voice of the samba has to come out of the hips.

The Foxtrot notoriously puts the couple in the bottom. It is unfair, but that is how it is. Caitlynn and Mitchell danced it technically very well. Mitchell danced with great strength. For the first time tonight, Kristen told the people to “SHUT THAT DOOR.”

Dancers: Miranda & Robert
Song: “It Don’t Mean A Thing (If You Ain’t Got That Swing), from the 1981 soundtrack of Sophisticated Ladies
Choreographer: Tyce DiOrio
Style: Broadway
Story: Miranda is an upper class working girl & Robert is a groovy cat who loves his music.

Tyce has a great way to incorporate the strengths of a dancer into a routine. It starts out slow and sultry, highlighting Miranda’s beautiful lines and extensions. Going into a faster tempo, helped Robert. Both played their roles in Tyce’s story well and had great partnering. The judges loved it. I enjoy Lil’C making up words like “metamorphosizing.”

Dancers: Melanie & Marko
Song: “I Got You” by Leona Lewis
Choreographers: Tabitha and Napoleon
Style: Lyrical Hip-Hop
Story: They are best friends. Marko was about to get married but was left at the altar. Halfway through the dance, he realizes that the woman he should be with forever is Melanie.

The description of the dance gave me goose bumps. I’m a sucker for all things beautiful and romantic. Melanie and Marko are the definite favorite of the competition thus far. I predict we will see them in the final 2. Once again, the dance moved me with emotion, long before their kiss. The only thing that stood out as a nonchoreographed event was I think there was a pause because of the way Melanie landed after a lift before they moved forward with the dance shortly after the kiss (might have knocked me off balance as well!). After the dance Tabitha and Napoleon shared a moment in the audience where they looked into each other’s eyes with the “you are my soul mate” look and shared a quick kiss. Nigel proclaimed them as the couple to beat. When Mary was sharing her thoughts, Nigel leaned over and gave her a big kiss which Cat thought was gross because it reminded her of watching her parents. Then Mary gave Kristen a kiss on the cheek. Yes, wait, there is even MORE kissing. Kristen turns and kisses Lil’C. A dazed Lil’C rises from his seat and then Nigel goes over and hugs and kisses Lil’C. This is a LOT of fun. Then in the audience, Jean-Marc Genereaux kisses Tabitha. Then Marko gets into the fun and tries to kiss Cat. That is just the kissing that got on camera.

It was not the best segue ever written with Cat’s announcement that they were going from dances and smoothing to the announcement of the next group number while Mary Murphy laughs at the judges’ table.

Dancers: Ashley & Chris
Song: “Lights Go Down (District 78 Remix)” by Telepathe
Choreographer: Sonya Tayeh
Style: Jazz
Story: About the two sides of yourself. Inspired by Beetlejuice. Basically half human-half zombie.

I would hate having to perform after Marko and Melanie. But Sonya is a fierce choreographer, so I have high hopes. It also goes back to the first comment I made that in this season, it might come down to the choreographer since all the dancers are technically great. I feel disconnected in this song which I guess is the point (having two sides). It does not hit me in any emotional place, whether that be relating to the story, or just enjoying the fun of the dance. Technically it was very good, but whether it was the choreography that did not grab me or the emotions of the dance not coming across through Ashley and Chris I don’t know. The judges have similar comments. Mary and Kristen had some words of encouragement about how far they had come and how technically good it was. I think they will be in the bottom 3.

Dancers: Clarice & Jess
Song: “Fly Me To The Moon” Frank Sinatra
Choreographer: Jean-Marc Genereaux
Style: Foxtrot
Story: A singer who instead of singing, goes into the audience to dance.

Visually, it was quite beautiful. I am not a professional dancer so I don’t know if the feet work was correct or the hand placement was accurate. Clarice looked stunning. Jess looked quite dapper. I worry for them because the younger crowd will think this is a boring dance. Mary, the ballroom expert, thought it was perfect. It was Kristen’s favorite performance of the night and compared them to Fred and Ginger, or Gene Kelly. Lil’C and Nigel loved this, too. I hope that the judges’ comments made people up the phone and vote.

Dancers: Ryan & Ricky
Song: “With Every Heartbeat” by Robyn
Choreographer: Sonya Tayeh
Style: Contemporary
Story: About a couple in love and it’s ending, but we don’t know why. It’s the story about the fight to let go.

The premise gave me chills. The difficulty of the dance was accentuated with the use of a long ribbon tied between them. One wrong move and they could try or be injured. I was glad that Ryan did not do a lot of smiling in this piece because in the previous dances it was a distraction. There was a great deal of emotion coming from both Ryan and Ricky. Lil’C also claims that they are a power couple. Sonya looks like she is about to cry from the compliment Lil’C gave her. Nigel explains further that he understood that Sonya created this dance because of her father; Ricky used similar imagery to get into the character of the piece.

Dancers: Jordan & Tadd
Song: “Memories” by David Guetta, featuring Kid Cud
Choreographers: Tabitha and Napoleon
Style: Hip-Hop
Story: A college student after a wild night out.

It was surprising to see in the rehearsals how uncomfortable Jordan is, given the performances she likes to give and wanting to be part of the Pussycat Dolls. It was nice to see a different side of her. During her interview, she looks like she was blushing. What an interesting dichotomy. Tadd was very sexy emerging from the covers, which elicited a “woo” from the girls in the audience; I imagine none of them thought he was a nerd now. Jordan and Tadd did a fabulous job. It was my second favorite routine of the night. All the right emotions of what people go through waking up to a stranger in their bed was conveyed. But most of all, it was a BLAST. I love NappyTabs’ choreography.

The evening ends with the second group number with Alexander, Ashley, Caitlynn, Jess, Jordan, Melanie, Ricky, and Robert. Choreographed by Dee Caspary, this contemporary dance is set to a story of the women of a medieval town wanting to poison the men, danced to the song “Poison and Wine” by The Civil Wars. It was a great finish to a remarkable evening.

Who are your top choices? What were your favorite routines? Who do you think will be going home Thursday night?


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Categories : So You Think You Can Dance

Graced by God

16 04 2011

This is a poem I wrote for my son back in 2005 that was subsequently published within a larger collection. In honor of Autism Awareness Month, I’d like to share this with you all. I do not mind if you circulate the poem, but please honor the copyright.  He was diagnosed in 1997 (at about 16-18 months of age) with the classic form of autism.  He is now 15.

Graced by God, you were given to us,
but like quicksand, you swiftly left
into a silent storm of autism.
Diving in after you, unwilling to surrender you
to this entity that ensnared your soul,
we made contact.

Your eyes, emerald and gray, began to meet ours again,
slowly holding the gaze seconds longer.
Like ants on a mountain, we fight for every inch of ground,
the elements always undermining some of the territory gained.

With streams of overflowing gratitude for every look, every touch,
every sound, every action you accomplish,
feeling blessed for the differences that set you apart,
that make you our very special child,
graced by God and given to us.

Hilda Clark Bowen
Copyright ©2005 Hilda Bowen


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Get “Mobbed” on Fox

28 03 2011
"Mobbed" on Fox March 31, 2011

"Mobbed" on Fox March 31, 2011

 
 
 

 
 
 

While most people have seen a flash mob on television or perhaps in the movies, I wonder how many of you have at least seen one in person.  They serve to brighten people’s spirits, to make them smile, to make them sing, and to make them dance. 
 
 
 

 

 
As a member of the OFFICIALFOXVIP program, I receive many privileges, one being previews of new shows on Fox. On Thursday, March 31, after the American Idol’s results show, a new show called “Mobbed” comes to your TV screen. Without spoiling the story, this one centers on Justin and Nikki. Hosted by Howie Mandel, they pull off an elaborate flash mob for this couple who want to share their news/event in a BIG way. Napoleon and Tabitha, two well-known award-winning choreographers, most recently on Fox’s “So You Think You Can Dance” are in charge of getting over 1000 people dancing in unison in very little time.

The only criticism I have is they felt they needed to create some drama, and this drama made someone cry, which I felt was not necessary. They could have still pulled this off with the dramatic flair they did without anyone becoming suspicious.
We need some “feel good” television shows on the air, and this show will raise your spirits and make you want to get up out of your seat and dance.
To my readers out there, have you ever actually performed in a flash mob (singing, dancing or a combination) and if so, what did you think about it? How many of you think you will tune in to see what this “Mobbed” is all about?
 

 

 


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Love Languages

14 02 2011

During our 18 years of marriage, my husband and I have read many relationship books to help improve our marriage. One of the books that have had an exceedingly profound impact on our lives was “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. With Valentine’s Day here, I thought I would share what we learned.

Everyone has a love language; you may have a primary and a secondary. Many times, we will try to communicate our love to our partner based on our own love language and then we don’t understand why this person doesn’t feel loved by us. For example, my husband’s love languages are quality time and physical touch. For me, words of affirmation and acts of service are my love languages. When I buy him cards (which would be “words of affirmation–my love language), although he appreciates them, they don’t make him feel deeply loved. When we would quality time together, I was fulfilling his need, however, mine went unnutured. When he let me sleep late without me having to ask, or would tell me how proud he was of me for doing XYZ, my heart swelled. At that moment, I never felt more in love with my husband. That is how you can recognize the differences between the love languages.

My husband and me on our wedding day

My husband and me on our wedding day

 

After you read the book, you think to yourself, now that just seems too obvious, why didn’t I get this? Recognizing what your love language is and making an effort to do that every day are two very different things.

He also has a chapter for parents and their kids. You often hear parents saying, “I raised them exactly the same way and this one turned out differently from this one.” Likely the one who turned out well was the one whose love language was being met. Let’s say child 1 likes quality time and child 2 likes words of affirmation. If you spend quality time with both of them, child 1 is going to feel loved, but if you never say affirming words to child 2, they will appreciate the quality time, but won’t feel truly loved.

Love Language #1:  Words of Affirmation. These are verbal compliments or words of appreciation, like “You look sharp in that suit.” “You must be the best potato cook in the world. I love those potatoes.” These are encouraging words (how can I help?), kind words, and humble words. If this is your significant other’s language, then help improve your relationship by writing “Words are Important” as a reminder, writing down all the words of affirmation you gave to your spouse and then reviewing it at the end of the week to see how well you have done (or not). If you are clueless as to what to say look in the media and observe people in conversation and write down things people say. Write a love letter, paragraph, or sentence, compliment your significant other in the presence of parents or friends, look for your significant other’s strengths and tell him/her how much your appreciate those strengths, tell your children how great their mother/father is.

Love Language #2:  Quality Time. Go places together, do things together, sit quietly together (not necessarily together but at least in the same room). For example, a father sitting on the floor rolling a ball to his child, the focus is not on the ball, but the child. If the father, however, is talking on the phone, then his attention is diverted and this is not being together. It also can include quality conversation, sharing thoughts, feelings and desires without distractions. If this is your significant other’s language, some suggestions are to ride bikes together and go to a park and watch the ducks, roll on to the rose gardens, find out what each other’s favorites plants are and why. Surprise your significant other with an impromptu lunch, ask him/her what their favorite activity is and join her/him in this activity and learn more about it. Ask questions “Who was your best and worst teacher at school and why? and other questions like that. Have a picnic in the living room and talk like you did when you were dating.

Love Language #3:  Receiving Gifts. Gifts must be purchased, found or made. Some gifts are expensive, others are free. If this is your significant other’s language, you could stop along the roadside and pick a bouquet of wildflowers or you can make a card. There is also the gift of self.

Love Language #4: Acts of Service. This is when your significant other does things for you without having to be asked. If this is your significant other’s language, you should ask what four things that you could do that would make her/him feel loved. If they are within reason to you, then you should do them with joy and with love, not done out of fear, guilt or resentment.


Love Language #5: Physical Touch. This would include holding hands, kissing, embracing, etc. Obviously, if this is your loved one’s love language, you need to do more of it. However, the author cautions not to think that a desire to have sex means your love language is physical. 

To help you figure out what they are, he says to ask yourself these questions:

1. What does your significant other do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply. The opposite of what hurts you is probably your love language.

2. What have you most often requested of your significant other? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.

3. Finally, in what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved.

What is/are your love language(s)?


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Christmas Wishes

20 12 2010

As I sit down to eat Christmas dinner on December 25 with my husband and son, I will go through my 10 or more minutes of crying. When we recount our list of blessings, my list is usually long. This year, it will be even longer. I start off slow, thanking the Earth for the food, the people who planted it, grew it, harvested it, and transported it so that I could enjoy the meal of which I am about to partake. I make sure to thank the turkey for its life. Then the tears come–for the people who are going hungry, who are homeless, who are hopeless, and who are loveless. I may have helped some over the year, but did I do enough? Not likely. There is always more an individual can do. I gratefully acknowledge the people who have sacrificed their lives–our military and the quiet heroes of daily life. I say a blessing to those families who are grieving the death of a loved one; holidays can be the hardest times in their lives. Then I’ll begin to recount all the blessings currently in my own life.

This year I want for nothing, okay maybe except the Adam Lambert new acoustic CD and an announcement that Stargate Universe has been picked up by another network, but all-in-all, I have everything I could ever need or want. My son is thriving at the private school (and we found a funding source for it). The enormous stress of fighting a corrupt school district is gone. I have a husband who loves me and has for almost 20 years now despite seeing the deepest, darkest places of my soul. I have a wonderful golden retriever. I have a loving family, a roof over my head in a fantastic area to live, food in my stomach, a decent car to drive, great neighbors, wonderful friends, and an employer who is continuing to let me try to work each day as much as I can instead of filing for disability. Of course our retirement account was reduced to a 201K from a 401K after the economic meltdown as was everyone else’s, but Patrick’s autism expenses pretty much ate up the rest of it. Somehow I know we will be okay. While I might moan and complain about circumstances every now and again, a swift kick to my rear brings about enormous perspective.

The things I have on my Christmas wish list require the cooperation of others in order to achieve:

1. World peace. Sounds corny, I know, but I’m an idealistic fool who thinks this is actually possible. Before that happens, we will have to get rid of prejudice and hate. In order to get rid of prejudice and hate, we need better educated people.

2. End to hunger: With all the food we have and waste every day, we could feed the world.

End Hunger

3. A cure for autism: Just because I love my son and accept his diagnosis, doesn’t mean I would not want to make life easier for him, and for other parents not to have to even take this journey. The life lessons have been tremendous, but at what cost?

While I am waiting for those things to happen, I will continue to try to do my part, helping one person at a time, one day at a time.

People tend to store their “good will towards men” for just the Christmas season. As they pack away the Christmas decorations, the spirit of Christmas leaves them as well. Perhaps I should dream smaller. Perhaps my ultimate Christmas wish is for others to find the heart of Christmas in their daily lives and keep that siren song alive year-round. Instead of the 12 days of Christmas, we would sing the joys of 365 days of Christmas. Can you imagine what an astounding force of nature we as a people would be?


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Life Without Regrets

30 11 2010

Ever since I was 17 when I walked out of an abusive foster home after my foster mother attempted to choke me, I made a pact with myself that I would never look back. I was now finally the captain of my fate and could decide my own destiny. Whatever the consequences, good or bad, they would be experiences from which to learn and grow.

As I was driving today, I realized that next year would be the 30th anniversary of that life-altering decision. Have I honored that commitment?

Everything that has happened along the way, all the way back to the time I was born, has made me the person I am today. I would not be human if I didn’t admit that it would have been nice to have gone through life without some of the horrendous situations, like the abuse I experienced as a child. But even those situations had positive side effects. Let me give you an example. If I had not been eventually abandoned by my mother, I would not have been placed in a foster home. Had I not been placed in the foster home, I would have never met my friend, Patty. If I never met my friend, Patty, I would have never met my future husband now of 18 years. Although you cannot imagine it at the time it is happening to you, good can come from evil. You can overcome tragic circumstances and have a happy and fulfilling life if you are willing to put in the hard work to change behaviors, stop the cycle of abuse, and commit to finding out what is “normal” when you’ve lived such a dysfunctional life. It truly is a matter of choice.

Having said that, there are a few things that still make my regret list:
1. Having come from a place in my heart of good intentions, my actions hurt a friend. Although she has forgiven me, I have not been able to forgive myself.
2. Helping someone I barely knew get home, a decision that had consequences I still deal with today even after therapy.
3. Hitting a few off-key notes at my vocal recital at Hamman Hall at Rice University. I know, it sounds like a silly one, but I never sang in public again.
4. Watching “Man of the Year” starring Robin Williams. I will never get that time back.

With the exception of that movie, the good news is that I still have time to fix the others.

The second part of living a life without regret is not having a long bucket list. While I have a variety of things I consider just “wishes”, there is only one item currently on my bucket list: I would like to go swimming with dolphins in the wild. After watching “The Cove” I could not in good conscience swim with dolphins in captivity, so I must venture to the open sea to fulfill this wish. I’ll have to remember to bring plenty of Dramamine.

None of us knows when our lives will be over. Live your life in the moment without regrets for the past. You cannot overly worry about the future either. If you find yourself saying, “if only” or “what if” too often every day, you cannot focus on the pleasures and sorrows of the here and now. Although I thought I knew this lesson well, having my son with severe autism (and other disabilities) only deepened my understanding of what that truly meant. In order to build a bridge to reach him, I had to be present with him. I would sometimes spend hours with him in our playroom we built just for him to make some sort of connection. There were times he appeared catatonic and would only briefly look up and around. I had to make myself his favorite toy in the room. I noticed that if I was looking up at the clock or worrying in my head about all the things I had to get done in the house, he would be less responsive to me. Somehow, he knew. There was no faking out this child. It took a long time, but we built that bridge. I repeated to him verbally quite often that if he felt that his world was safer for him that I was going to be totally 100% okay with that. I was not trying to fix him; I was sending him an invitation. He eventually RSVP’d a “yes” response.

Yes, he has challenges. Yes, life will not be easy for him as he ages. Yes, there have been many sacrifices that this diagnosis came with, including my health. He has been my greatest blessing and my life teacher. How many parents can say they still find magic in their kids making eye contact with them 15 years after they were born? How many parents pull their hair out during the teenage years when their children start rebelling, yet I would give my life just to have 24 hours to have a real conversation with him. I learned to never take anything for granted. To live my life as free as possible of regret one minute at a time.


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