Memory Tree

18 12 2011

I look forward to putting up our Christmas tree every year for two reasons. The first reason is knowing Patrick is going to love it. There is something about the twinkling of each delicate light and moving to and fro that allows him to appreciate the full spectrum of colors in a way I wish I could see. For Jeff and me, it is a yearly trip down memory lane. Our tradition is to put up our tree the Saturday or Sunday after Thanksgiving. Two years ago, Patrick was in his bedroom at the time. When he came into the room the next morning, the smile that crept up on his face was brighter than any star in the sky. My Christmas contentment lay within that smile. Last year he became the task-master, voicing his protest if we stopped at all to take a break. We would deliberately rest just to bust his chops and listen to him protest. This year he mellowed out, eagerly watching the lights go up, but still loving every bit. He is not quite ready to put the ornaments on the tree. We have tried. I think he does not like the feel of the artificial tree.

Every ornament I can trace back to a loving memory. After my mother died, of all the items left to me, the six ornaments that date back to my childhood hold the most significance. Being the dysfunctional home it was, our holidays then were filled with a mixture of happiness and heartache. However, when I look at these ornaments, I choose to remember the joy. They are old and falling apart. I do not know how much longer I will be able to repair them.

Ornament from my childhood

The tennis racquet ornament brings to my mind memories of my first love and the Christmas we spent together here in Houston.

Tennis racquet I bought for my first love.

There is the Santa & Mrs. Claus sleeping in a bed, handmade by a physician’s assistant with whom I worked; Mrs. Claus’ head is now missing.

Mr. Claus sleeps with a headless Ms. Claus.

There are the many ornaments I gathered in the first days of my first apartment. I found a wonderful company called Cracker Box who makes kits for these homemade ornaments with beads and lace and pins. For two years, one each year, I made these works of art. Their instructions were hysterical, injecting the personality of those who wrote them.

Those pins hurt putting in after awhile.

Before getting married I joined a Disney ornament-of-the-month club. There is Minnie, Mickey, Pinocchio, Donald Duck, and several others from that period of my life. Pinocchio’s nose has broken off.

Pinocchio's nose fell off.

Received as a wedding gift is a Lenox ornament of 2 doves kissing and labeled as “first Christmas.”

We moved on to our Star Trek ornament collectible obsession.

Picard stands watch of the Enterprise (the original) below.

It was then we began our golden retriever ornament collection.

Golden retrievers are now our obsession.

After Patrick was born, we added a “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament. Three ornaments are a result of my trip to Disneyworld in Florida in the late 1990’s with some friends. I have an ornament or two from an overnight trip to Kemah, Texas. During our 2001 trip to Vancouver, BC, I picked up an awesome golden retriever ornament on skis and with goggles on from a store in Whistler (where the 2010 Winter Olympics were held).

From Whistler, BC to our home.

I remember each ornament given to us as a gift and by whom. I think of those people with affection as we are hanging them.  Adorning our tree, too, are the handmade ornaments Patrick has made since he was a toddler.

Two years ago, MGM put out a Stargate SG-1 ornament (that I got half-price the bargain shopper I am). I was gravely disappointed to find our local Carlton Cards went out of business.

Stargate SG-1

Once done, we sit back and marvel at our memory tree, a symbolic diary of our lives.

What are your Christmas tree traditions?





Acts of Kindness Part 2

24 11 2011

Back in 1998, when we were struggling to get Patrick to an autism program in Massachusetts that we hoped to be his best chances at recovery, kindness came from everywhere: Family, friends, strangers donated, held fundraisers, etc. to help us earn the money we needed (starting in July). On December 31, 1998, the day we left, we raised the final number we needed: $15,000. It was difficult for me to accept kindness like this, but I had to swallow my pride to first ask for the help, but learned to accept it with humbleness and gratitude. For many years, I had a web site on AOL (remember AOL Hometown?) where any one of the donors could go to keep up with their investment. After all, it was not only an act of love but an investment in the life of another.

PBFundraiser

My friend Jennifer's church allowed us to sell bear ornaments as a fundraiser.

During the course of having Patrick, my boss has done a tremendous number of things that I cannot name for reasons of confidentiality. Even though I don’t seem to be able to produce full-time work anymore, she allows me to stay hoping that one day I can get past my medical issues and produce at full-time or even part-time levels again. I do know that without the things she has done, our lives would be very different today.

Last year, I got another WOW moment to add to my top 10 kindnesses of all-time. I put out to the universe on Facebook that we had planned to go to the Adam Lambert concert but because every penny now was invested in that fabulous private school Patrick was going to, the results of which they had seen unfold right on Facebook, that if they heard of any contests to win tickets to please let me know. Instead, my friend Melissa went out and bought us not 3 tickets, but 4. She told us we had to take Patrick and gave us an extra seat to buffer ourselves from other people if necessary and a place to put his stuff. In the tickets, she also gave us spending money (for parking, presents, etc.) Melissa will tell you to this day she had never done anything like that and several times stopped and thought she was crazy for doing it. This kindness had “kindness” percussions. Going to the Adam concert led to know a certain person who would go on and help my son’s school during a fundraiser called Rock Autism, Joey Guerra, music critic for the Houston Chronicle.

Patrick's favorite: The laser lights.

The next big kindness came from an actor named JC Williams (@JustChillin21) who has been on many shows, but I came to know him because he was on Stargate Universe, a show I blogged about on Fox 26 Houston and a volunteer science-fiction-fan-run website. When the show was cancelled, there was a big sale of prop items in Vancouver, British Columbia. There are so many Stargate fans, many of whom tried to find people attending the sale so that these people could get them something. I thoroughly understand that level of passion, but I never wanted to place an undue burden on anyone living in Vancouver so that I could benefit from such a request. I feel that such a request would put in doubt the true nature of our relationships in some cases.

I don’t remember which Saturday it was, but I am hardly ever in my office and I am hardly ever on Twitter on the weekend. But this short time span I was. JC sent me a tweet asking if he could pick me up something and was asking our sizes. We communicated back and forth for a little while and in the end I told him I’d just be happy with a sticker or something; I’m not greedy. After the sale, he would tease me about sending me off a “box” of stuff. A box???? From personal experience, even mailing a small box from Canada to the United States is expensive. I felt excited yet unworthy once again. I am glad that it took several weeks to get here so I could shed the “unworthy” label and just be excited. It arrived on a Monday, July 11, 2011. My husband wanted to be there when I opened it, and I needed him to record the event. Since JC could not be here in person to see my reaction, capturing it on camcorder and putting in on YouTube seemed like a good idea. Meanwhile the day before I was bit by a spider and my arm started swelling and about the time I opened this, I was running a fever, but with the surge of adrenaline in my system, you can hardly tell I was even sick. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so my videos will say more:

I first open the box here (I’ve lost a lot of weight since then):   Click here for the video

I missed sharing about some items in the box:   Click here for the video

I tried on one of the gifts here:  Click here for the video

Also among the box, not put on video (because at that time of the video I wasn’t sure if he wanted to remain anonymous or not), were these pictures (don’t faint friends):

JCWilliams

J.C. Williams, actor, dreammaker

JC put a lot of thought and love into this box he was sending. He went out of his way to meet up with one other Stargate Universe actor, Herb Sommerfeld (picture below). He also tried to get one other’s picture and autograph for me, but was never able to catch up with that particular actor.

HerbSommerfeld

Herb Sommerfeld, actor, teacher

You can see JC’s great work on a recent episode of Sanctuary, “Resistance.” Click here.

Finally we close out this year with the overwhelming support I’m receiving for Patrick’s fundraiser for his autism school’s end-of-the-year annual campaign. Even though we are in a tough economy, people have been giving amounts from $5 on up. We met our first-placed $1000 goal. When we reached that, I upped the goal to $1100 and we’ve reached that. Now the goal stands at $1200. The fundraiser goes through Christmas Day. If you would like to see your money make a huge difference, knowing all the money stays at the school, most of it directly for the support of the kids there or creating programs so more kids on the waiting list can get help quicker, then this is a good place to give. Thank you to all those who were able to give, and thanks to those, too, who found themselves unable to give, but forwarded the message to others. Your acts of kindness astound me.  If you would like to help us raise money for this wonderful school for autism, please click here.

 

Patrick

My life teacher and inspiration, Patrick






Acts of Kindness Part 1

23 11 2011

“You can have it, if you’d like it,” the old woman said to the young girl, sensing the fear and nerves of the child, who had never lived anywhere else in her 5 short years of life.  There was something special about this antiquated stuffed turtle that was over 50 years old. Perhaps, it was a physical item of transference, a thing she could hold onto in the upcoming uncertainty of her life. Looking at her parents for approval to accept the offer, the 6-year-old lavished thanks on the two older women, and held on to that turtle for a very long time.

The House of Turtle

The house where I found "Turtle"

We are all the recipients of acts of kindness each day. Some acts of kindness are remembered more than others because of emotions attached to them, or you were having a bad day in your life, or perhaps you felt you just didn’t deserve it. Most kindnesses eventually fade away in the stream of consciousness as it is impossible to remember all of them all (unless you’ve written them down). The big ones you never forget. Like my turtle.

The next big kindness I remember was being asked to go on a family trip with my friends Kelly and Kitchel. They were close in age and I would wind up doing things with one for awhile and then the other. Their family became a refuge from my dysfunctional, abusive home and I loved spending time there. I learned about refried beans and real butter. Their mother, a nurse, used IV needles and ice cubes to pierce my ears. When I was asked to go on their family trip to Kansas, I was ecstatic. But the kindnesses did not cease coming from them.

Hilda in Kansas

Me on the Kansas trip

My mother’s sister and her husband took me in when my mother kicked me out age the age of 13. However, I was there for only 2 weeks. My mother wished for me to return home. My aunt and uncle sat me down and said, “If you want to stay, we will fight for you to stay, but if you return home, you won’t be able to come back.” I made a bad choice and left.

After I was told to leave my home again 6 months later, with whatever I possessed from things that were gifts or things I had bought myself, my sister, on a break from college, was staying with her college friend and her family in the Bronx for the summer. They also provided me shelter until my sister could work things out about where I would go. Their apartment was not big; they were not rich, but their hearts were. Somewhere in there (I forget the timing of all this), my sister brought me upstate New York to my father’s brother’s house. My two of four cousins still remained at home. They welcomed me into their home. For me it was only temporary because the place where my heart felt like home was with Kelly and Kitchel’s family who had moved from Nebraska to Missouri. They were having family meetings to discuss the impact on having me there. But in the meantime, my aunt, uncle and cousins were glad to have me.

The decision was a positive one for me with my friends’ family and I soon moved to Missouri. It lasted from September until December. Plans were being made by my sister once again to file child abandonment charges against my mother to get me into a foster home in New York (close to her where she was going to school). Things didn’t work out with my friends as we had hoped for a variety of reasons—them lacking any legal authority as “parents”, the financial help my father promised, the arguments I was getting into with one of the two girls. I had to leave. When my mother discovered I was there, my departure protected them from being charged with harboring a runaway (I did not runaway, but my mother was upset that she was told off about her less-than-wonderful parenting ability). When I boarded the plane to New York to my sister, the police showed up at my friends’ home. Fortunately, I was not there. I always look back on this has a huge kindness. They could have easily said no given the headache involved with it, but they did not.

The next kindness rates into a category all of its own and will be continued tomorrow in part 2.