20 04 2011

For all the wonderful moments you experience with autism, there are exceptions. Back in 2005, I was deteriorating neurologically. I remember having a bunch of sticky notes all over my wall just so I could get through the day at work and not forget to do something. I was falling for no reason. I started to have to walk with a cane. It was at this time, my son’s school district was failing him and the fighting intensified by a factor of 10. Inside my head I was screaming, overwhelmed by what was happening to me, to him, unable to stop it. The more I tried to hold on and not get sucked into the vortex, the worse it got. The only thing I could do was let go and let God. Please once again, I do not mind if you share, but please respect my copyright. This, too, was published in another book of compiled works.


Drowning in a sea of suffering,
Sucked into a vortex with no vertical end,
Spinning hopelessly out of control,
Screams stifled by the void surrounding me.
Loneliness engulfs me,
Crushing me with its weight.
I let go and flow with it.
Only then do I reach the bottom
Where I’m on top of the water again,
Swimming for shore.

Hilda Clark Bowen
Copyright ©2005 Hilda Clark Bowen



2 responses

28 04 2011
Lisa R

Thanks for putting the link to this on Mallozzi’s blog. My husband has had a rough time lately as the contract job he is working is not what he wants, and he hasn’t been able to find a job doing what he wants to do. I always read your posts about your son with interest as my niece and nephew are also autistic.


28 04 2011

Lisa, I hope he finds something soon so he can be in a better place. If I can ever help with any questions or resource information for your niece and nephew, please don’t hesitate to ask. Thanks for commenting.


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